Writing
Temporary Insanity
Temp Trek
Temp Trek
This is a sample of a sketch I wrote for Temporary Insanity, a musical comedy revue about the joys and heartaches of working as a temporary employee. Temporary Insanity was produced by Henry Harvey and Michael Hoban and was staged at the Actor's Workshop in Boston and the Little Flags Theater in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
[Captain Kirk is wandering around the surface of a planet,
talking into a tricorder]
Kirk
Captain's Log--Supplemental. Spock, McCoy and I are
marooned on the Planet Zar-X. The Enterprise, damaged from
an attack by Klingon warships, is unable to help us. As we
search for the dilithium crystals needed to repair our ship,
we find ourselves in a strange, divided world, where some
people have rights and others have little or none. Oh, and
remember to pick up
bread, skim milk and kitty litter.
[He puts the tricorder away. Spock and McCoy enter.]
Spock
Captain, no evidence yet of dilithium crystals. But I'm
picking up humanoid lifeforms--
[Perma, an alien woman in a toga and her henchmen, also in
togas, enter]
Perma
Why are you temps not in the arena? The bidding time is
about to begin.
Kirk
(diplomatically, yet seductively)
We are not "temps." We are officers of the United
Federation of Planets. We mean you no harm. Our ship was
damaged and we seek minerals to repair
her.
[Kirk approaches her, she slaps him]
Perma
Stop your lying, temp! Glandor! Bonaducci! Restrain them
with the shackles of Economic Necessity and take them to the
Arena of Voluntary
Servitude.
[The henchmen grab our heroes. McCoy resists.]
McCoy
Get your hands off me, you overgrown pansy!
[Star Trek fight music comes on and they struggle for five
seconds, but they are given shackles (necklaces in the shape
of the letter T) and they are
subdued. They are led offstage]
[Blackout]
[Lights up on Kirk, McCoy and Spock standing in a spotlight
center stage Perma pokes at them with a stick from time to
time to keep them in line. The Perms, incorporeal beings
who rule the planet Zar-X, speak
from offstage]
Perm1
The new temps look promising. The pointed-ear one is
intelligent--perhaps we should have him work on our computer
system.
Perm2
Yes. The leader can supervise the other two. But what
about the crabby one, the one they call McCoy?
Perm 1
He is useless. Have him alphabetize the planet filing
system.
McCoy
Damn you! I'm doctor, not a file clerk!
Kirk
Easy, Bones.
(To Perms)
Hear me, Perms. You can't treat people this way. We are
just like you--
[The Perms laugh in the condescending way that superior
beings do]
Perm1
Oh, no. You are not like us. We are intellect, pure
energy. Long ago the Perms brought in temps from other
planets to do all our work. Eventually, we lost the need
for physical bodies. The temps do everything. And they are
happy--we give them everything they need.
Perm2
Except health insurance.
Perm1
Yes. (laughs) And Vacations.
Kirk
How can you consider yourselves to be enlightened beings
when you divide the world up into "temps" and "perms?" I
submit to you that your society is flawed, and it will fail,
unless you learn to treat all your
citizens with an equal amount of
respect and dignity.
[Kirk is getting into his speech and starts roaming around
the stage]
On my home planet, a man named Abraham Lincoln once wrote
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are
created equal, and..."
[Perma grabs her ears and collapses. The Perms choke and
die in agony]
Kirk
Spock, what's happening?
Spock
Apparently, captain, the only thing fatal to the Perms is
bombastic speachmaking
McCoy
(using tricorder on her)
The girl's going to be okay. Apparently, she wasn't really
a perm, just a long-term temp.
Perma
Oh, Jim...Jim...I'm so frightened.
McCoy
(to Kirk)
And she's pregnant. Did you....?
Kirk
(shrugging)
Of course. During the Blackout.
(flipping communicator)
Spock
Fascinating.
Kirk
Scotty--four
(smiles at Perma)
Make that five-- to beam up.
[Blackout]
Comments or questions? Email to info[AT]henryharvey.com.
Copyright Henry Harvey 2006.